Books are a part of who I am. Long before TikTok and Bookstagram.
Reading is cool now? There was a time when it wasn't. In fact, I used to be ashamed of being a reader—ashamed of being me: A reader. Bookworm. Bibliophile. Book lover. Buveur d’encre.
I used to be ashamed for always having a book with me or wanting to escape the room to go read. Those close to me, they know that I have always loved reading, even before #bookstagram (book community on Instagram) became a thing. It has been a part of who I am since I can remember.
So why the shame in reading?
Well, my siblings can tell you that I’ve always been the weird/awkward kid. I preferred my own company and staying in my room all the time. It seems that as I got older and started teaching and writing, I somewhat found my voice and became more comfortable being myself. But growing up, I preferred to write in my journals with music in my ears or stereo and sticking my nose in a book any chance I could.
Books are my companions. I think part of the reason is simply because books gave me comfort. When I moved to the U.S from France (I was 10), it was quite a culture shock and I seemed to have a harder time adjusting to life in the states than my siblings did. I still do! Lol. My personality & passions just vibe better with France. So, in a way, I turned to books as escapism. And it has been that way since. I only read fiction growing up; it wasn’t until I went to grad school (2011) that I started reading more nonfiction.
Okay, so why was I ashamed of being a reader?
It wasn’t cool. Plain and simple. I will not sugarcoat it. As a Congolese, I hardly met or knew anyone in my community (Congolese community of Dallas) who loved reading besides two of my cousins (one who re-introduced me to books when I first moved to the states!)
For example: As a PK (Preacher’s kid), I grew up in church and was always in church for something. One day, I was sitting in a church pew reading a YA novel as the choir rehearsed. I was probably about fourteen then. I remember one of the elders of the church coming up to me asking what I was reading. When I showed him, he asked: “Why? Is it for school?” He inquired, baffled.
I told him that it wasn’t for school. Just for fun. He stared at me with a perplexed look on his face. He seemed to have a hard time processing the fact that I was reading for fun. In our household, reading was normal. My dad is a reader and my sisters also read here and there.
At school, it was the same thing. In between classes or before classes started (sometimes during), I was reading. I wasn’t a popular kid or anything, and in fact preferred to remain invisible, but for some reason the fact that I was always reading is what got people to notice me.
I remember some of the “popular” basketball/football players being intrigued and often interrupting (yes, interrupting) my reading time and asking what I was reading or how come I was always reading.
I guess I have a hard time processing this question:
Why am I reading? How come?
It’s like asking me why am I breathing? I suppose I don’t know how not to be reading! Even when I’m going through a slump and think to myself that I won’t read for a while, sooner than later my heart aches and I start to feel anxious—like something is missing. And as soon as I pick up a book, the aches and anxiety vanish.
Perhaps for me, reading means a lot more than for others.
Books are my companions
Reading is my escape
Reading is a stress reliever
Reading calms my anxiety/stress
Reading helps me see myself in others
Reading teaches me about the world and those around me
Reading helps me travel to places I could never go to physically
I also used to be ashamed to admit how much I really read to avoid making other people feel bad. And I don’t read nearly as much as I used to before kids. But people would make me feel bad for reading and would say things such as:
“You must have time on your hands to be reading this much.”
“You’re just showing off how many books you read.”
Well, both statements sound a bit passive aggressive. For one, anyone can make time for reading. Think about how much time you spend on social media, YouTube or watching TV?
I also am on social media and watch TV occasionally, but I make reading a priority. Reading should be something you enjoy doing—not something you are forced to do. And I’m one of those gifted readers who trained her brain long ago to multitask, so I can read with noise in the background and even music in my ears. Most people need complete silence to read.
Secondly, I have always been passionate about talking about books and sharing what I’m reading with others. When I share about how many books I read, it’s not about showing off the number of books I read. It’s more about challenging myself to read more and meeting said challenge, as well as encouraging and challenging others to read more, especially my fellow Congolese.
All this to say…..um, I’m not sure actually. I don’t have a call to action or anything, but I felt it was important I write this. I’m sure there’s a lone wolf/passionate reader who can relate.
Just be you.
Thanks for reading! It felt nice to blog again after so long.
