Caring too much is what’s breaking me.

Today I woke up reflecting on the essence of time and place. What a way to start the day.  I’ve been sorta sick lately so lying in bed/couch deep in thought seems to bring me comfort. I was thinking about how in a matter of minutes, hours, or days,  things have the ability to change instantly. Whether that’s flying to a different continent to immerse yourself in a new culture, saying something to someone that changes the dynamic of a relationship, making a decision that changes the course of your life, or making the wrong turn while driving. Your life can change entirely–good or bad.

Not really sure where I’m going with this, but I suppose I’ve been in my head a lot these days, thinking about the most random things. That’s quarantine for you.

Last week was a foggy week for me. Time just seems to keep slipping through my fingers. I had a hard time keeping up with which day of the week it was. In fact, when Friday came around, I truly thought we were still mid-week.

What is something you’ve said or done lately that has negatively affected your life or relationship with others in an unexpected way?  Would you have imagined this ever happening, let’s say: weeks, months, or even years ago?

 I’m learning that I can’t control every situation or how people choose to react to things I’ve said or done. All I can do is learn from the situation. I also can’t control people’s perception of me. All I can do is keep growing to be better and try to live the best way I know how to.  I also can’t read people’s minds. All I can do is try to understand others the best way I can.

They say cancers (my zodiac) signs have a big heart. A heart so big that it sometimes hurts them in return because people often take advantage of their “niceness.” I’m not really into astrology, but I agree with this 100%.

I care too much; that’s my problem.  And when I give my all into something or truly care about friendships/relationships/people who I later realize don’t seem to give a toss about me, that definitely is an eye-opener and opportunity for me to re-evaluate who I let close to my heart.

People tell me not to change. I am who I am.

They say caring too much is what makes me who I am. I’m starting to think caring too much is what’s breaking me.

So what is this blog post about again? I have no idea. I guess time, place, and something about splitting myself open and caring too much.

I know someone out there can relate though. 

Until next time…

“i didn’t know why
i split myself open
for other knowing
sewing myself up
hurts this much
afterward”

― Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

Let me wrap up by saying that, I know it’s been a long time since I wrote anything on here. I’ve been wondering if blogging is dead? Some would say yes, but others would disagree. I don’t think it is entirely dead. So long as people are searching for answers online, blogging will always be alive. So long as people have something to say, blogging shall live on!